the most important thing I wrote this year; or, why I haven't been blogging much lately

mon papa, ma maman, et moi

It's hard to find the emotional energy to sustain an online journal about your children when your father is slowly dying; it's just as hard to pick it up after he passes as if nothing has changed.

But I'm going to try.  Although my dad only knew enough French to deliberately mispronounce hors d'oeuvres as "horse devours," he fully supported my efforts to raise Griffin and Gwyneth bilingually.  And that's only one of the hundreds of amazing things about him.

My brother and my mother and I composed his obituary; read on, if you're interested, to see what I mean.

CBD, Professor Emeritus of English, passed away on September 15, 2013, at the Mayo Clinic from complications following open heart surgery. The son of Charles and Mabel, CBD was born on August 30, 1937, in Gary, IN, where he spent his formative years developing a love of books and music, intriguing his younger sister with his magic tricks, amazing his parents with his talents, and as the drum major, leading his high school band to the state championship. As a first-generation college graduate, he double majored in music and English at DePauw University.

After earning his Masters degree in English from Indiana University and his PhD in English from the University of Nebraska, CBD taught literature and composition, where he caught the eye of his fellow teacher MKD. He always said that marrying her was "the smartest thing I ever did."

B and MK, who shared 44 years of marriage, raised two smart, caring children. After 25 years at the University, where he first chaired the English Department and later headed its graduate and creative writing programs, B and MK returned to their Midwestern roots.

mon papa et moi, 34 years later

Their retirement in Wisconsin brought them great joy as they taught classes for seniors, did volunteer work, traveled around the US and to Europe and Canada, played thousands of hands of bridge, delighted in their grandchildren, reconnected with friends and relatives, and rooted for the Packers.

Who was CBD? A peerless husband, father, grandfather, brother, son, and friend. A scholar, a storyteller, and a peacemaker par excellence. An enthusiastic racquetball player, a multi-talented musician (saxophone, clarinet, piano) and classical music deejay, and a long-suffering Green Bay Packer fan. A bibliophile who relished a good WWII spy novel as much as his beloved 19th century classics, he was always looking forward to his next book. 

Dad with Griffin, his first grandchild

They don't make 'em like CBD any more—he did things the right way because that's the way they were supposed to be done, worked hard because that's the way you're supposed to work--but he also wasn't afraid to play the rogue to get a rise out of people (especially his wife), and he loved to eat and could take a nap like nobody's business. 

Missing him deeply but cherishing his memory are his wife MKD, his daughter Sarah (husband E) and son M, his grandchildren Griffin and Gwyneth, and his sister L (partner C). CBD is survived by not just his family and friends, but the thousands of students whose lives he touched, the community organizations he supported, and all the others upon whom his wit, wisdom, and work ethic had an impact. 

Dad with Gwyneth, his second grandchild

He had a rich and meaningful life, and we are all better for the legacy of equanimity and compassion he leaves us with. As a colleague once overheard a student say, "Dr. D is a really decent person."

Even after weeks--months--at the Mayo Clinic without being able to speak, he used sign language to tell us he loved us.